Frustrations

What's more frustrating than my recent troubles with SL?

Not being able to get a damn job. I went for an interview today and I thought it went really well, but it turns out they went with someone else. I don't know why this keeps happening. I don't understand. The only things I can think of is that I'm coming across as too smart or a bit overqualified for the jobs they're offering. Maybe I'm too honest? They don't want to hire someone who's going to get bored and quit.

How come idiots in basements can come up with million fucking dollar ideas and I of many, yet underdeveloped, talents can't even pay my goddamn rent?!?! What have I been doing wrong? Is there any help for me? I can do all these cool things but I can't make hardly a penny doing them. I got a license to do nails. Can't get a job doing that because I need more experience, especially with acrylics. Can't get more XP without a job though. What can I do that I can turn into a living? There has just GOT to be at least one thing right?

I'm worn out with this crap. Who did I piss off to have everything go so crappy on me all at once? One minute I think things are really looking up. I got a job in a nice spa and they pay by the hour instead of commission. I got caught up on all my bills. I was going to be able to start saving.

Next thing I know I'm in the hospital piling up $26k in debt, then finding out I don't have a job anymore to actually have a chance at paying it off. 2.5 months later I still don't have a job yet. By the time I get this straightened out (I have to hope that eventually it'll be OK or I'll go nuts,) I can't imagine what a wreck my once decent credit score will be.

Good bye happy future.

Emotions

I'm pissed off really. And depressed. And I'm determined to change something, somehow, until my life gets better or whatever... Yeah yeah.

That's what I say now, and I might even mean it. But really as soon as it all blows over and I'm feeling OK again, I'll forget all about it. It'll be something that happened to someone else in a different life. Not my happy world.

I'm such a wishy washy person like that. I wish I could change that.
Yeah I'll get right on it...
Just like organizing my room, and taking charge of life. Cause both of those things are going SO well right now.

I just feel like I'm beating my head against a wall. I want someone to care enough to help me stop, but on the other hand, I feel like if I don't stop myself, there's no one else who can. An endless loop of try & fail. I'm the only one who can break it, but I don't see where. Around and around. No one can stop it for me. I have to do it myself. Perpetual motion.